We change each other. And that's intoxicating and terrifying. And part of what puts me off from dating in general. Every little foray changes you. Would I be able to date, anyone, at this point in time? Would I feel like I had set out to do what God gave me to do, and done it? I'm referring to art, family, friends, etc.
I still see them too much as training ground for marriage, not for eternity. Marriage is also training ground, for all of those things. It's a good thing. It's not the best thing. It doesn't need to happen for my life to be complete, hard as that is to swallow. I don't need sex. I don't need a home. I don't need kids. I don't need health, or my hair, or my paints to know God. Help me to see my life stripped away, the essentials, and know what matters.
Maybe that's why I want to get rid of things, and none of my clothes feel right. Nothing is perfect. Anything could be got rid of. Even my favorites are flawed. How can I live to please You? A life of noticing, a life of poetry? The Kindergarten Teacher was wrenching and real, in that way. "I have a poem". So much to interact with in that film. So complex. But I'm glad, for now, that I watched it alone, and can't over-talk it. Who knows if I'll ever get to see it again, with the same flexibility on censorship I had on my Mac. But You know. Please, God. You hear me wanting You? You Yourself have been calling me, haven't You? Keep calling. "The heart rears wings bold and bolder / and hurls for him, Oh half hurls earth for him off under his feet". "You're gonna need / all the help you can get / so lift up your arms now / and reach for it". "It is almost like a sign from God". "O Christ / do you wake my ghost? / Sometimes it seems impossible / Did you give your body up to forge my trust? / Did you give your body up just to suffer for my savage love?" "Everywhere I go I see You". "All the stars we steal from the night sky will never be enough". "There's no denying beauty makes a sound". "We're so helpless / we're slaves to our impulses / we're afraid of our emotions / and no one knows where the shore is / we're divided by the ocean / and the only thing I know is / that the answer isn't for us / no the answer isn't for us". "I'm secretly on your side". "Don't sit there stupid / get up and take it with both your hands". "I convinced myself that I would never find you / when suddenly I saw you." "A burden may change your mind".
Gerard Manley Hopkins: "Hurrahing in Harvest"
Glen Hansard, "Song of Good Hope"
The Kindergarten Teacher, "Anna"
John Mark McMillan, "Enemy, Love"
Rich Mullins, "I See You"
The Greatest Showman, "Never Enough"
NEEDTOBREATHE, "TESTIFY"
Feist, "So Sorry"
Imogen Heap, "Just for Now"
Katie Joy Nellis, "Succour"
Sleeping at Last, "Venus"
Horse Feathers, "A Burden"
I still see them too much as training ground for marriage, not for eternity. Marriage is also training ground, for all of those things. It's a good thing. It's not the best thing. It doesn't need to happen for my life to be complete, hard as that is to swallow. I don't need sex. I don't need a home. I don't need kids. I don't need health, or my hair, or my paints to know God. Help me to see my life stripped away, the essentials, and know what matters.
Maybe that's why I want to get rid of things, and none of my clothes feel right. Nothing is perfect. Anything could be got rid of. Even my favorites are flawed. How can I live to please You? A life of noticing, a life of poetry? The Kindergarten Teacher was wrenching and real, in that way. "I have a poem". So much to interact with in that film. So complex. But I'm glad, for now, that I watched it alone, and can't over-talk it. Who knows if I'll ever get to see it again, with the same flexibility on censorship I had on my Mac. But You know. Please, God. You hear me wanting You? You Yourself have been calling me, haven't You? Keep calling. "The heart rears wings bold and bolder / and hurls for him, Oh half hurls earth for him off under his feet". "You're gonna need / all the help you can get / so lift up your arms now / and reach for it". "It is almost like a sign from God". "O Christ / do you wake my ghost? / Sometimes it seems impossible / Did you give your body up to forge my trust? / Did you give your body up just to suffer for my savage love?" "Everywhere I go I see You". "All the stars we steal from the night sky will never be enough". "There's no denying beauty makes a sound". "We're so helpless / we're slaves to our impulses / we're afraid of our emotions / and no one knows where the shore is / we're divided by the ocean / and the only thing I know is / that the answer isn't for us / no the answer isn't for us". "I'm secretly on your side". "Don't sit there stupid / get up and take it with both your hands". "I convinced myself that I would never find you / when suddenly I saw you." "A burden may change your mind".
Gerard Manley Hopkins: "Hurrahing in Harvest"
Glen Hansard, "Song of Good Hope"
The Kindergarten Teacher, "Anna"
John Mark McMillan, "Enemy, Love"
Rich Mullins, "I See You"
The Greatest Showman, "Never Enough"
NEEDTOBREATHE, "TESTIFY"
Feist, "So Sorry"
Imogen Heap, "Just for Now"
Katie Joy Nellis, "Succour"
Sleeping at Last, "Venus"
Horse Feathers, "A Burden"
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