Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Lines from the Months of This Last Year: August

Dear Lord Jesus.
Please. I'm not ready for this, really. One bout of indigestion, or one dismissive act, and I'm back in the puddle of neediness. Help me trust You for great things. To seek after Your heart continually. Make me ready for tonight, next year. I want to be with You.
Ground me. Help me love
and more love
and more.

Keep that sweet singing, singeing flavor in all things. I want to see the sacred in the ordinary. I want to know. I want to be enlarged. Make me as Mary,

Convict us. Win hearts. O Lover. Win mine again. Keep me childlike. Help me care for this temple.

Things are so wrong without You. Fear, and pride, and greed. Oh Jesus. Have mercy...
Thank You for reminding me that that is what You want - for me to accept my sin and Your righteousness. And yet, to act in a manner worthy of You? To resist evil? To dwell on what is good? Help me. I'm so faded and immature. I'm such a small bean. Don't lose me.
Don't let me lose You.

Teach me to swim, and paint, and birth children, and save lives & souls, and do useful things. Amen.

P.S. I love You

This has been a beautiful day of rest, here and only here.
But thank you for yesterday, goodbyes at camp and contra in the evening. It is so good to have friends. And brothers. I can't imagine life without them, or Mom and Dad's steady loving sacrificial care. So many gifts You've given me. Help me keep my hands open.
Lead me into Your great joy. The small points of fulfillment and of Your presence overpower me.
O God. Let us meet.

God. Thank You for that. For the conversation I just had with B. Thank You that You knew, almost 2 years ago, that he would need those Isaiah 30-20-22 verses this summer. Show her that You are the God who sees her. Help him to love as You love, patiently, persistently, fiercely and tenderly.

It is all a gift. Help me trust this.
Help me not cling to what I want, or even to how "constant" I would like to be. But only to You, who will, WILL guide me into what is holiest, best, truest.
Oh Jesus.

I didn't deserve that; my glass SHOULD have tipped over.
Thanks for taking me through today, which "felt" rather unspiritual and agnostic. Thanks for helping me do things. Laundry, painting the apple tree, pancakes and cunapes, mowing, talking to D, painting portraits, starting "True, Love Waits" for my composition studies.
Oh Lord. I'm bad and tired. Please take over.

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