Sunday, December 20, 2015

Lines from the Months of This Last Year: June

Love does things to your face.
I'm older, closer to surrender. I still chase thoughts and pride in circles, but somehow it seems simple: accept this, weakness and grace, and go on.
We tremble to trust our welcome. Kiss our faces quietly until we remember that earliest extravagance of giving, remember the arms that met us so soon after the womb released us, the food that touched our lips and the eyes that looked back into ours, full and overflowing.
This is what it is to live, when we are truly alive.

God, O Lord, tender Lover, I could not have planned this day. It was blessed beyond my ability to recount.
Thank You for her clear true words about the way abuse shouldn't be tolerated. Thank You for a short respite, and Dad taking me just in time, and for giving me strength to work. For a quick catch-up with A, prayer, and the way You answered. Such rich real sharp time.

You gave me that song in the first place.
Help me not miss any opportunity to know You better.

As Dad counseled me, I come before You, eager for Your will, and enough clarity to know how to go forward. If You do no make it clear to me, show what I should do. I want to be right there with You, and accept all Your gifts and withholdings.

Love is elemental and prayers
are never wasted and grace
is the face of the sun.

In the midst of my pouting You have been so inexpressibly kind.
Please heal my sick small mind. Help me pray according to Your will, in Your Name.

Thank You for Dad saying, "You're a special woman," and Mom, "You're our treasure."

Meet me Lord. Spirit, speak. Whatever it is I need to hear. Help me be receptive.
Psalm 28

What do I really want, want to do, and why?
- Create beauty in collaboration
- Speak truth to people
- Develop abilities to show love & compassion, bring healing
- Cultivate a secure, vibrant environment for questions, learning, growth, exploration, full shalom flourishing
- Develop disciplines of simple, sustainable, creative living
- Learn to give and receive love, grace
- Partner with individuals and churches on the outer edges of Gospel/Kingdom movement
- Learn to be a better listener/counselor
- Share my dreams, quirks, thoughts, questions, delights, beauties, fears, weaknesses with someone who cares, who loves me and is committed to me
- Become the confidante, collaborator, comforter, lover of a "worthy" man
- Understand the truth
- Understand the inner workings of mankind, the world
- Give tangible, specific, intimate, creative care
- Show hospitality and learn to give generously
- Stay connected to my family and friends, maintain and deepen relationships
- Find and cultivate stillness and peace in a hectic world
- Live with integrity, be an example of faithfulness, trustworthiness, graciousness & mercy, wisdom, courage, love
- Walk in obedience, sensitive to the Spirit
- Be ruled in all things by love

Thank You, God. Papa. I just realized that You answered my prayer for a dream...
this morning, "Dame su mismo," which is "Give me the same". Or if "Dame tu", "Give yourself."
Help me do it.

Thank You for taking Miss E home on the 15th. You are good for preparing me. Good to let me know through N's text. Good to give me Mom and Dad to pray and cry with, and calls from A and C.

You surround me on every side.

21. (Father's Day)
Hi Daddy. Help me to feel utterly safe and loved by You. Help me to trust You completely, implicitly. Thank You for the kind, gentle way You're breaking me in here.

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