Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Lines from the months of this last year: November & December


How do we handle what seems like a waste? What kind of waste is this?
What kind of gift?

A Sabbath, because I want to be open to anything. To wave my arms in windmills, with others.
This is not how small I feel. And I asked to be small.
But I'd like to be more immediate, more absolute.
These are the same dreams planted in me as a child. Farmer Artist Ballerina. Why do we want to be such beautiful things?

Why am I so incapable of repaying?

"But since we belong to the day,
let us be self-controlled,
putting on faith and love as a breastplate,
and the hope of salvation
as a helmet."
- I Thessalonians 5:8 NIV

Painting. Painting daringly.

She wrote "love" on my grocery list.

Your name is on His hands.
It's not enough: in His blood.

All I want is You.
Into Great Silence.
What am I headed toward?
Where am I going?

The tree lights. The kindred.

Make my heart sound, and wholly Yours. Protect me from temptation and give me the guts to flee it.

Swallow me.

Perfect things. Things partial but falling into place.

I want to be Your friend.
           I write things in blood when I can.
I have a stack of letters wrapped in lace.

If I can't go into this with You, it's pointless - if I can't love You first, hear You, respond wholeheartedly. Honor me, honor me, You said. With the first fruits.

"To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb
be praise and honor and glory and power,
for ever and ever!"
-Revelation 5:13b NIV

All is well.

Thank You for loving us in our folly.
Smooth over the strange things.
Things we did as beastly kids.
Lord, forgive us our sins. Help us truly repent.

Cherubim and seraphim.
Eternal Yes.

Words are too important.



That today, even with my painful vacillations,
fluttering lungs, and wounds, I got
the feeling that
       All this loving leads to more Love.
                And pain is "vitamins."*

He lost paintings to a flood.
And I am not the coolest.
There's the ugly. I'm jealous. Now the stupid is out.
Jesus, put the truth back in place.

*(thanks, Todd Komarnicki)

"High five for having great faces."

Please do guide our tomorrow, my Sabbath. Make it a true one, justice and mercy and attention. Bless Your Name, Jesus, for always giving what is needed.
Thank You for what You did three years ago.

And let me love You for Your face.

What I'd like for Christmas is clarity. Holy simplicity. Trust.
Order and beauty with a touch of the daily, like my room across from me, clothes laid out (texture, pattern, browns, grays, deep green and blue). Two red pears.
A ceramic bird. Her pencil holder and baseball bat for her grandmother and Washington. The bouquet of greenery and berries in a maple syrup jar. My alto recorder peeping out from my backpack.
You speaking at just the right time, giving me just what I need.

Silliness. Cynicism, or not.

You held my hands this early morning. That's a mystery. Right to right and left to left, but You were behind me.

Thank You for You, Your people. Blend us.

Show Yourself.

Empower, impassion, em-peace us.
Ready me for whatever is ahead. For love.
Wear down my pride. Fiercely, gently.
Mostly, let me love You.

"Take only ways that are firm."
-Proverbs 4:26b NIV

I am surrounded by love.

Nothing is good unless you give it your attention.

Obedience makes you safe everywhere, no matter how dangerous.
Disobedience makes you safe nowhere.

He came home, looking all solid and blue-eyed and cinnamon bearded.

The sunset, Dad sawing branches, me running barefoot to the catalpa.

Build us into spacious places. Pure temples.

I am not comfortable saying this,
but if following You means giving up all this,
my life, my family,
home's comforts,
then take them. I give them to You.
My health, my talents, everything.
I trust You to use me.
I trust You.

You stand at the door and knock.
You could be so much more to me than I let You be.

Thank You that I do feel I could let this go...

Baby Jesus got a Monster Truck. John the Baptist baptized me with gold. Prepared me for my wedding.
We ate lettuce and pretzels.

I am an introvert. But I'm seen. And it's OK that I'm not effervescent.

"Whoever isolates himself
seeks his own desire;
he breaks out against all sound judgement."
-Proverbs 18:1 ESV

It's not for nothing, our history. You are faithful.
You save all my drawings.

"A man of many companions
may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks
closer than a brother."
-Proverbs 18:24 NIV

Dreamt of looking for Wendell Berry books in the library.

Make me a gardener. Make things grow, old and new.
Annuals and perennials.

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