Sunday, January 6, 2013

Lines from the months of this last year: June




-Psalm 15:4b NIV

"I can believe in a lot of things at this time of evening."

"You'd better walk fast through here."

"There is nothing but air between us."

"Haste denies all acts their dignity."
-Dante Alighieri, "Purgatorio," III.II

Today was a funny holiday. Fireworks. A Procession. Antique Fiats.

Che fai di bello?

I saw the full moon, and a hedgehog.
Longing to give, give, give. I hold on too tightly.

Ascolta ce, O Signore.

"Let you gentleness be evident to all."
-Philippians 4:5a NIV

Help us cry when appropriate.

"This is my blood."
-Matthew 26:28a NIV

Corpus Domini.
O Lord Jesus, show us Yourself. Give us each signs, signs we will understand.
Names of our own.
The new nun.
This body is Yours.

"For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier..."
-Ephesians 2:14 NIV

I want Your heart. I want to eat You, breathe You, become You. Break down the barrier. Move me now for my whole life. Heal me more.

Yesterday was my first real day at home. The potatoes tasted a bit like gasoline.

I took a three hour nap. Mom woke me ask what kind of noodles I wanted, but I thought it was 7AM, and was really confused as to why Mom was waking me up so early, why she was asking me about noodles, and why I was lying on top of my bed instead of under the covers. I told her, "Whatever you have more of."

Some rose petals from Corpus Domini just fell out of my journal. I'd forgotten.

Home is so beautiful. So green and thick, less delicate than Italy,
but more reliable.
I want to get rid of things.

I'm feeling a little like I did when I was choosing colleges. Somewhat nauseous. Very tired, not wanting to talk, wanting to close up and escape.
Feeling like I'm not in favor.
I want to rest and be and process, but even that seems too big to me right now. Yet I must not forget.

Things come to me in dreams, colorful dreams like game shows, full of people.
Something crawls out when I find that I can spend hours copying recipes, but don't want books or movies. When I begin heaving and almost wailing when touched. I felt the strangest sort of pity for myself as I felt my laughter turning into wretched sounds.

Jesus. Wings, and so she ran.

"So she ran..."
-John 20:2a NASB

It amazes me how quickly I vacillate between contentment and discontentment.
Help me create, fervently. Help me love. Love well, deeply, without pride, without judgement. Without belittling.

"Do not fear the reproach of men
or be terrified by their insults."
-Isaiah 51:7b NIV

I can rely on You as much now as I ever have.

Lord, help me be fearsomely, beautifully, healingly pure. By You. And Joyous.

"Both the wisdom and the strength will always be given, in perfect measure, when the time comes, if we take up quietly and faithfully the duties of today. Let us not make the mistake of directing our energies toward what is not today's business. The best preparation for the future is always the conscientious carrying out of what is given us today."
-Elisabeth Elliot, "Quest for Love," 155

"A strong spiritual principle is to pray through things, think about them in the presence of God, and stick with the decision. Did God hear your prayer? Do you believe He wants you to do His will? Then, 'don't dig up in doubt what you planted in faith.'"
-Ibid., 156

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