Monday, January 7, 2013

Lines from the months of this last year: July

The Fourth of July. July. July, July.
We've been cooking up a storm.

I think he understands loneliness better now than he probably ever has before.

Praise You, Jesus, because You are to be fully trusted, and You bless us. Give me a heart and hands willing to do and to give whatever You ask.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free."
-Galations 5:1a NIV

I told her, and I think it's true, that God is planning something, has something in store, is preparing me. I don't know when, and don't feel particularly impatient. Just more and more confident in Him, His plan, His goodness.

Moses' law. Isis' temple. Bale's act. Charles's belt. Jesus' love.

Releasing a tiny bee from a closed lily.

Confessing this morning.
"I trust you completely."

A towel. Birds nesting. An owl last night.
The sermon, music. Suffering loosens us from the grasp of the flesh.

"You'll know she is true if she will say, 'the King is my father.'"

Please help me not to be anxious or feathery or frozen, but to be fully alive. Brave in the face of my own self, loneliness and fears of not being what I should be.
Just help me be.

The next week and a half could be so beautiful. One of the turning points of my life. Or terrible, frightful, wasted.
Let it shine, pulse, laugh with utter You. I give You all of me as a sacrifice.

I didn't expect You to be so beautiful.

The last few days have been overcast, even thick with fog.
I could taste it as I ran.

What I really want is a woman's heart.
And I have an urge to be a girl again, to see a greatness and nobleness in mundane things, because I am so far from being able to do them... knead bread. Sail. Go to college. Answer phones professionally. Comfort babies.

In enforced idleness we are still useful to You.

I've held the cross, the cross that Amy held.
In this sign, conquer.
Oh, Lord, enlarge my heart. These fearful nights remind me. I am surrounded.

into the midst of growing things. Let your arms become branches.
Swing from vines, sing
with the rub of bark
against your skin, the drum
of rain, and swim into
dissolve into that other element, the sky.

Help him realize how urgently there You are.

"I've seen the greatest light..."
-The Innocence Mission, "July"

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