Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Lines from the Months of This Last Year: September

You patient lover. Thank You.
Moon through clouds through walnut leaves. Clutching the catalpa, kissing it hard. I'm still learning love.

I can't do anything on my own. Please speak through me, my work, my voice, my eyes, my body language. May I be an instrument of peace, truth, healing.
Of virtue.
Give me honesty and humility.
Keep returning my focus to You.

A lot of people love me. How can it be? Thank You.
Please help un-knot my innards and melt and mold me. I'm not blameless. I'm no saint. And yet I am. I have Your Spirit, You holy holy beautiful God.
B reminded me today that somehow it's the sufferings that prepare us, fit us, to be like Christ.

She warmed to me, chatted, took my hand. Gave me some lovely smiles.
Love makes you brave.
Alll goood thiiings cooome frooom You.

Could it really be that You are all I need? And that I can always fling myself on You and it is enough, and sometimes I don't even need to try?
Oh Jesus, how willing and meek You were. You did not grasp at power, at praise, at wealth - did not coerce love. Teach me Your ways. Make me a good lioness.

Romans 8 and Psalm 130? Yes please.
If the Gospel matters at all, it matters right now, today. Go before us, Shepherd. Help me pray like Vera.

Beautiful sunset and moonrise tonight, Sir.

Tell me where You graze Your flocks.

10. Back safe. How kind You are. My lips were twitching, tickling, when I parked on their street. My hands were actually trembling. Keep me always having to trust You. Hands, heart irrevocably Yours.

The first time every inch of me is awake, afraid.
In time it will be natural to me as solid food, taking showers. Do you remember when that was new? You used to fit in the sink, baby girl.
Each action is miraculous.

What can I let go of so that I'll be ready to pick up and follow whenever You call?

Lord, You have redeemed this day so utterly. Thank You.
Your spellbinding sunset and yellow gibbous moon on the drive home. I'm loving our late-night drives.

Please keep calling him, guiding him closer to you. To want You more than girls or money or feeling important. To sell You all he has.
We are all such needy people, Lord. And leadership can be lonely.

"We are so preciously loved by God that we cannot even comprehend it. No created being can ever know how much and how sweetly and tenderly God loves them."
-Julian of Norwich

Dad is in the hospital. I took him there shortly after noon today. Thank You, Lord, that You are caring.

Watching a couple Alfred Hitchcocks with Mom and Dad, I realized afresh how TRAPPED people get by money. The love of it, or of the things it provides. So much disorder when it takes Your place. Help me never let that happen. Help me stop looking at myself and saying, "unproductive."
Help me look to You and say, "Vine, I am Your branch. Bear fruit in me."

"If I had a friend all on this earth, you've been a friend to me."

How gentle You are with me.
Thank You for waking me up.
Be my song today.

Lord, make Your Name known. What is Your Name? What do You mean to me? I to You?

We suddenly see how much courage is required of us. How resolute and terrible is truth, how towering and resplendent.
How small and firm as seeds.
Fullness of time. Ripe, irrepressible.

There hasn't been enough today. What do I mean? Is it all about me feeling accomplished? No. But I need to see more of You. Not all of this feels like a song.
But I'm thankful for errands with Dad. For the bit of green pea on C's eyelid. For notes written, for cold milk, stars, fiddle tunes, Mom's prayer in the doorway. Clean laundry.

Jesus, I understand that suffering must come. But why does my suffering look and feel so lame? Why can't I get over these emotional, mental, spiritual blocks? What makes diligence, freedom, joy so HARD? There's too much and nothing.
Take my chin in Your hands and lift my eyes to You.

"The LORD looseth men out of prison..." (Psalm 146)

Whatever I'm still holding back, Lord,
Take it.
Whatever it takes to bring me to that place,
Do it.
I want to be whole.

"He hath no pleasure in the strength of an horse; neither delighteth he in any man's legs. But the Lord's delight is in them that fear him, and put their trust in his mercy." (Psalm 147)

I delight in legs. But help me delight in You more. Fear You, trust Your mercy.


(7. Pray like Vera, ref. David James Duncan "The Brothers K")
(20. Mary Chapin Carpenter, "10,000 Miles")

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