They've struck again: the Oddest Hours. Only I didn't sleep yet. Been far too nervy and crowded in mind. A little while ago I resolved to take a Mental Health Day tomorrow, so I've cancelled all my appointments. That feels better than I expected. Like the relief of throwing up when you're nauseous.
But I'm still lying here, hyper-nerved and weary and very very awake. I had less than half a mug of caffeinated coffee, and that was about 12 hours ago. I don't know... except I DO know that I've been trying to do too much. Here I was boasting about everything I crammed into the day... I crammed myself out. I'm rebelling against myself. My eyes are bigger than my heart, or my mind than my body, or something. My calendar is bigger than my soul. I don't want to be so uptight, rushed, tired. I need to paint. I need to sleep. My skin shows it. I need quiet muddling, moodling time. I need to be able to write music, to hear things bump around in my head. This is why I need a very patient husband, or to be single always. I am a bird alone on a roof, and there are no shortcuts.
A plaque in the restroom at the coffee shop said,
"Don't try to rush things that take time to grow."
And I was held quiet - for a moment.
Apparently, I haven't learned that lesson yet.
I've just been eating seed crackers and drinking milk, and saying to myself, "The body of Christ, broken for you. The blood of Christ, shed for you." Was reading verses in 1 John that I forgot were so roilingly good.
But I'm still lying here, hyper-nerved and weary and very very awake. I had less than half a mug of caffeinated coffee, and that was about 12 hours ago. I don't know... except I DO know that I've been trying to do too much. Here I was boasting about everything I crammed into the day... I crammed myself out. I'm rebelling against myself. My eyes are bigger than my heart, or my mind than my body, or something. My calendar is bigger than my soul. I don't want to be so uptight, rushed, tired. I need to paint. I need to sleep. My skin shows it. I need quiet muddling, moodling time. I need to be able to write music, to hear things bump around in my head. This is why I need a very patient husband, or to be single always. I am a bird alone on a roof, and there are no shortcuts.
A plaque in the restroom at the coffee shop said,
"Don't try to rush things that take time to grow."
And I was held quiet - for a moment.
Apparently, I haven't learned that lesson yet.
I've just been eating seed crackers and drinking milk, and saying to myself, "The body of Christ, broken for you. The blood of Christ, shed for you." Was reading verses in 1 John that I forgot were so roilingly good.
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