Sunday, January 14, 2018

Unflappable God, December 28

I myself am feeling strangely vulnerable right now. I always seem to be shaken by unbelievers - if they're not outright antagonistic or selfish, which makes their mistakenness obvious.
But I am shaken by people who feel relatable, who are like me, but come to a different conclusion.
Why me? Why not them? Why me at all? Do I want the narrow way?
I want the right way. And I want everyone with me. I'm not as brave or as loving as Paul; I don't think I'd take hell for anything or anyone. I mean, I'd take hell: neatly off the list of options.
I understand You so little. I don't know how to trust You and not let part of me - what feels like ME - be macerated. Or is it You inside of me telling me I've simply got You wrong? That I have to let my cheap idea of You die, to know You and see You and love You as You are?
I won't believe because I "should". I'll believe because of You. So show me.
You are big enough. The God I know, that I've loved and lived for, isn't stumped by anything. Is patient. Is kind beyond expectation. Is firm and unflappable and irritatingly (relievingly?) observant. I can't kill You.


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