I painted/wrote "Christ, Pantocrator" today. And it's appropriate, I think, that it makes me uncomfortable. And that it's had so few responses online. I should expect this, not to be melodramatic. But You are divisive. And going to You outside the camp means becoming a weirdo, a fanatic. I think it must always come down to that. What, Who, will I allow to control me? To have authority over my life?
I tremble a little, with the thought of representing You. I never can. I looked through Orvieto photos again, to find that photo of the chapel, showing Marie's open book and the icon with the cobalt and almond eyes, and the expression I can't shake.
Your eyes two sunken canoes I drowned in...
I just want to say again, clearly, that there's no such thing as independence. And although, timshel, I have the terrible responsibility for myself (I and none other), I cannot even pretend that I could attain freedom in self-realization or power. I'm a puppet of Satan if I follow my own lead, what seems right to me.
Please help me.
Thank You also for the monarch on the zinnias. For helping me reply to R. For giving me food and water, for the wind in the trees, for a car that didn't break down, and for helping me call my Senators and Rep. about immigration allowances.
I actually got a PERSON at the Rep.'s number, which caught me off guard.
Keep showing up. Keep wooing me. Help me use the little faith I have. Take it as far as it'll go. And increase it. Be pleased. Delight in Your work. Be adored and honored. Keep me weak and broken at Your Name.
I tremble a little, with the thought of representing You. I never can. I looked through Orvieto photos again, to find that photo of the chapel, showing Marie's open book and the icon with the cobalt and almond eyes, and the expression I can't shake.
Your eyes two sunken canoes I drowned in...
I just want to say again, clearly, that there's no such thing as independence. And although, timshel, I have the terrible responsibility for myself (I and none other), I cannot even pretend that I could attain freedom in self-realization or power. I'm a puppet of Satan if I follow my own lead, what seems right to me.
Please help me.
Thank You also for the monarch on the zinnias. For helping me reply to R. For giving me food and water, for the wind in the trees, for a car that didn't break down, and for helping me call my Senators and Rep. about immigration allowances.
I actually got a PERSON at the Rep.'s number, which caught me off guard.
Keep showing up. Keep wooing me. Help me use the little faith I have. Take it as far as it'll go. And increase it. Be pleased. Delight in Your work. Be adored and honored. Keep me weak and broken at Your Name.
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