A hunger of the hands
to be doing something
rhythmic and worthwhile
in sifted flower, over the writs
things dying to give,
smelling like soil
if five's pleasure
six is labor
and seven's rest.
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Monday, January 25, 2016
To Karen
It's your voice I want to hear
when I'm seasick in Missouri
ceremonial bowl, and cloth, and you singing,
Raincoats, Finlandia
Raincoats and lakes -
God is love, and love will never fail me -
cross-legged on my bed
at 2am.
Italicized words from "North American Field Song" and "God Is Love" by The Innocence Mission
when I'm seasick in Missouri
ceremonial bowl, and cloth, and you singing,
Raincoats, Finlandia
Raincoats and lakes -
God is love, and love will never fail me -
cross-legged on my bed
at 2am.
Italicized words from "North American Field Song" and "God Is Love" by The Innocence Mission
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Lickety-Split
Love is maladroit
and hypochondriacal.
It's (sym)pathetic (hug me, please)
and spun as fun as sugar.
How alarming - standing on sacrilege,
timber-lipped and monk(ey)ish,
while little birds
sing madrigals
to a hinting heart.
Surreptitious puppy-love has mitigated wonders:
histrionics, bliss, hysterics,
lickety-split hairs
or ears
or bread
until one's mustard
up the courage
to accept
that love's alive and glinting,
shriven, staring like a star,
patient in the hopeful, deft
midwifery of time.
It's feast and hunger paired,
it's holiness and hippos,
it's hippocampus, loneliness
picked up
where it left off.
It's cause and end, and undertone,
and nectar's long collection,
It's planetary motion
and the Bright and Mourning Son.
It's north wind, south wind,
fervor and safety,
labor, bath,
and laughter.
and hypochondriacal.
It's (sym)pathetic (hug me, please)
and spun as fun as sugar.
How alarming - standing on sacrilege,
timber-lipped and monk(ey)ish,
while little birds
sing madrigals
to a hinting heart.
Surreptitious puppy-love has mitigated wonders:
histrionics, bliss, hysterics,
lickety-split hairs
or ears
or bread
until one's mustard
up the courage
to accept
that love's alive and glinting,
shriven, staring like a star,
patient in the hopeful, deft
midwifery of time.
It's feast and hunger paired,
it's holiness and hippos,
it's hippocampus, loneliness
picked up
where it left off.
It's cause and end, and undertone,
and nectar's long collection,
It's planetary motion
and the Bright and Mourning Son.
It's north wind, south wind,
fervor and safety,
labor, bath,
and laughter.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Lines from the Months of This Last Year: December
10.
There are a lot of things, Lord.
First of all, I'm entirely at Your mercy. I've been dense, selfish, bitter and crude, all week so far. Basically I'm a rat carcass mouldering in the garage.
I want to cry because I want to believe You really mean Your mercy and wine. Is this joy believable?
I have such bad habits. Miserere mei, Deus.
You have been so patient and generous with me. Lovely contra, sweet YAs (and Lectio Divina worked, because You're the real deal) and today with S. was joy. We started off with coffee. We made 6 kinds of cookies, listening to Christmas albums. We had mushroom soup (luxury) and sesame coleslaw. We prayed in the car. Besides cookies, she sent me home with books, jam, and a hunk of lamb. Maher-Shalal-Hash-Baz. Actually pure kindness and a gushing fountain of love.
Mom and Dad watched "White Christmas" tonight and laughed and cried. I ate my cookies watching with them, then painted. And thank You, You helped me make progress on 3, and gave me hilarious N texts too.
You gave me safety, and a Dad who takes care of me. Took the Honda in yesterday, found out the noise I heard was the power steering. Thanks for the money I had saved that could help. Thanks for really loving me. God, help me bring You glory.
I want to talk about You and live for You. I want everyone to know You, Jesus.
I need more of You myself. Please.
14.
I wanted to write, because there are things I should remember. Sometimes I'm aware I'm living the best days of my life so far.
Tonight was so wet and warm, I took a barefoot walk for ~45 minutes in the yard. Felt alive again.
Tonight we had worship practice, J was over earlier in the day for tea. I painted in the morning.
I wanted to say that yesterday was a rich and meaningful day. ABF, sermon with a sobering reminder of the costliness of following Christ, Advisor's Meeting (with cookies), caroling with the 5th and 6th grade girls. So fun. Then I met N at the (torn up, depressing) park, and we crossed the stream and made music/talked on the grass for a while. Then a Christmas hymn-sing/fellowship/party. THAT was glorious. We ate, made music, shared things God put on our hearts, and played hilarious games. It felt so natural and full of God's love and presence. Thank You Jesus.
Help me rest in You, pray, work. Play too.
23.
We both know that those
who are proud in their hearts are far from You,
are far, are far.
I've never felt like such a mess. OK, maybe. But not so chronically. Everything is slipping and I almost cried in Walmart yesterday, overhearing a senior citizen's comment about Hiroshima.
The spruce branches and clove-encrusted orange are making weird shadows on my ceiling, pinned up there by the window light.
I'm waiting to feel that I can go back to sleep. Waiting for rest on a lot of levels. But I'm waiting for the rest that is a choice - haven't You taught me that obedience comes first?
I'm jealous, I'm guilty, but I'm forgiven, I'm free.
Stretch me out as far as I will go. I'm the last nub of chalk, I'm 2 sardines and a stale cracker.
26.
Sweetheart,
It's late Christmas day. I'm wiped out. But I'm also so tired I'm getting loopy, and some of the thoughts and impressions are pleasant to me, so I'm not in a hurry to sleep.
Jesus. If I don't look at Your face, everything is wasted.
Zephaniah reminds me of times when Your words were my anchor. It makes me uncomfortable, I'd rather not risk that much on You.
God, You are the ONLY anchor, help me risk everything.
All this is allowed to be hopeless, because You are, "I AM." You are hope.
That sounds hollow. You are the source of everything positive and orderly and lovely and true. We create nothing. All we can ever do is eat the good things You make and ____ them out. Why do You keep giving? HOW do You keep loving when we spit in Your face?
Teach me, disciple me in Your ways. Not so I can be some pure and humble nun, but so I can be You and know You and not care anymore how I appear. You are reason enough for everything. Help me trust Your mercy enough to rejoice in You. Rejoice over me.
All of me, everything.
27.
Zech 4:10:
"Who dares despise the day of small things...?"
v. 6:
"'Not by might not by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty."
Thank You for taking me safe to Lanc after <3 hrs. sleep. So good to see HJ! And thanks for Sabbath rest. For Mad Max yesterday, and cards, & B's check.
You are my choice, Love over fear.
28.
Remind me of this day. If (when) I ever doubt You. It is all Yours. Help me to be generous and wise. Live as if this really is my last year (it might be).
Help me see where I am sinning, hurting. Help me humbly follow You. Fill me. Help me sleep. Speak through me, help me understand, and laugh, and be still.
xo
31.
Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.
There are a lot of things, Lord.
First of all, I'm entirely at Your mercy. I've been dense, selfish, bitter and crude, all week so far. Basically I'm a rat carcass mouldering in the garage.
I want to cry because I want to believe You really mean Your mercy and wine. Is this joy believable?
I have such bad habits. Miserere mei, Deus.
You have been so patient and generous with me. Lovely contra, sweet YAs (and Lectio Divina worked, because You're the real deal) and today with S. was joy. We started off with coffee. We made 6 kinds of cookies, listening to Christmas albums. We had mushroom soup (luxury) and sesame coleslaw. We prayed in the car. Besides cookies, she sent me home with books, jam, and a hunk of lamb. Maher-Shalal-Hash-Baz. Actually pure kindness and a gushing fountain of love.
Mom and Dad watched "White Christmas" tonight and laughed and cried. I ate my cookies watching with them, then painted. And thank You, You helped me make progress on 3, and gave me hilarious N texts too.
You gave me safety, and a Dad who takes care of me. Took the Honda in yesterday, found out the noise I heard was the power steering. Thanks for the money I had saved that could help. Thanks for really loving me. God, help me bring You glory.
I want to talk about You and live for You. I want everyone to know You, Jesus.
I need more of You myself. Please.
14.
I wanted to write, because there are things I should remember. Sometimes I'm aware I'm living the best days of my life so far.
Tonight was so wet and warm, I took a barefoot walk for ~45 minutes in the yard. Felt alive again.
Tonight we had worship practice, J was over earlier in the day for tea. I painted in the morning.
I wanted to say that yesterday was a rich and meaningful day. ABF, sermon with a sobering reminder of the costliness of following Christ, Advisor's Meeting (with cookies), caroling with the 5th and 6th grade girls. So fun. Then I met N at the (torn up, depressing) park, and we crossed the stream and made music/talked on the grass for a while. Then a Christmas hymn-sing/fellowship/party. THAT was glorious. We ate, made music, shared things God put on our hearts, and played hilarious games. It felt so natural and full of God's love and presence. Thank You Jesus.
Help me rest in You, pray, work. Play too.
23.
We both know that those
who are proud in their hearts are far from You,
are far, are far.
I've never felt like such a mess. OK, maybe. But not so chronically. Everything is slipping and I almost cried in Walmart yesterday, overhearing a senior citizen's comment about Hiroshima.
The spruce branches and clove-encrusted orange are making weird shadows on my ceiling, pinned up there by the window light.
I'm waiting to feel that I can go back to sleep. Waiting for rest on a lot of levels. But I'm waiting for the rest that is a choice - haven't You taught me that obedience comes first?
I'm jealous, I'm guilty, but I'm forgiven, I'm free.
Stretch me out as far as I will go. I'm the last nub of chalk, I'm 2 sardines and a stale cracker.
26.
Sweetheart,
It's late Christmas day. I'm wiped out. But I'm also so tired I'm getting loopy, and some of the thoughts and impressions are pleasant to me, so I'm not in a hurry to sleep.
Jesus. If I don't look at Your face, everything is wasted.
Zephaniah reminds me of times when Your words were my anchor. It makes me uncomfortable, I'd rather not risk that much on You.
God, You are the ONLY anchor, help me risk everything.
All this is allowed to be hopeless, because You are, "I AM." You are hope.
That sounds hollow. You are the source of everything positive and orderly and lovely and true. We create nothing. All we can ever do is eat the good things You make and ____ them out. Why do You keep giving? HOW do You keep loving when we spit in Your face?
Teach me, disciple me in Your ways. Not so I can be some pure and humble nun, but so I can be You and know You and not care anymore how I appear. You are reason enough for everything. Help me trust Your mercy enough to rejoice in You. Rejoice over me.
All of me, everything.
27.
Zech 4:10:
"Who dares despise the day of small things...?"
v. 6:
"'Not by might not by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty."
Thank You for taking me safe to Lanc after <3 hrs. sleep. So good to see HJ! And thanks for Sabbath rest. For Mad Max yesterday, and cards, & B's check.
You are my choice, Love over fear.
28.
Remind me of this day. If (when) I ever doubt You. It is all Yours. Help me to be generous and wise. Live as if this really is my last year (it might be).
Help me see where I am sinning, hurting. Help me humbly follow You. Fill me. Help me sleep. Speak through me, help me understand, and laugh, and be still.
xo
31.
Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Lines from the Months of This Last Year: November
14.
Thank You Lord. What a crazy day. Couple of days. So much painting yesterday, none today.
But getting lost in West Chester...
THANK YOU, because You do what I can't do.
Oh God. The bombings and shootings in France.
Help us overcome evil with good. Individually, corporately.
Lord, dig out the sin and bring wholeness, healing, redemption. True repentance.
Sin is so easy when you're hurt or angry or stressed.
Bless us, Lord. Guide our energies.
15.
Dearest Lord,
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and because the paintings are finished, and because today was so lovely.
Thank You for conversation and sisterhood and prayer. For the deja vu as A. was praying about my commission on the way back from the shower. You comfort me.
I want - I need - to know You are at work in all these unseen things. Help them to be my first reality.
God, I don't want flirtiness. Help me to be true. And help me trust Your timing. Gesu.
Provide, still! Help me be grateful, and trust You, give and see and mourn and rejoice!
28.
It was a beautiful Thanksgiving. Thank You. I'm glad to be single. Thankful for the help recording.
I need You. I need help loving. And taking teasing and insults - or not. Help me not be a wimp. And help me have freedom and discipline, and care for the temple.
Thanks for a weepy day - the Macy's parade made me cry.
I can't grasp or accomplish anything.
Daddy, teach me.
Lover, take me.
Thank You Lord. What a crazy day. Couple of days. So much painting yesterday, none today.
But getting lost in West Chester...
THANK YOU, because You do what I can't do.
Oh God. The bombings and shootings in France.
Help us overcome evil with good. Individually, corporately.
Lord, dig out the sin and bring wholeness, healing, redemption. True repentance.
Sin is so easy when you're hurt or angry or stressed.
Bless us, Lord. Guide our energies.
15.
Dearest Lord,
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and because the paintings are finished, and because today was so lovely.
Thank You for conversation and sisterhood and prayer. For the deja vu as A. was praying about my commission on the way back from the shower. You comfort me.
I want - I need - to know You are at work in all these unseen things. Help them to be my first reality.
God, I don't want flirtiness. Help me to be true. And help me trust Your timing. Gesu.
Provide, still! Help me be grateful, and trust You, give and see and mourn and rejoice!
28.
It was a beautiful Thanksgiving. Thank You. I'm glad to be single. Thankful for the help recording.
I need You. I need help loving. And taking teasing and insults - or not. Help me not be a wimp. And help me have freedom and discipline, and care for the temple.
Thanks for a weepy day - the Macy's parade made me cry.
I can't grasp or accomplish anything.
Daddy, teach me.
Lover, take me.
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Lines from the Months of This Last Year: October
4.
My Dearest Friend,
Thank You for life. For this particular day of it, this afternoon. Seeing J off from the train station, huddled against the cold, laughing and talking.
Where is my heart? It belongs to You. Please be its jealous keeper. Guard me and protect me. Chasten me. I desire chastity.
"Holiness takes us outside ourselves,
my heart can barely beat.
You've a lot of courage
to give Yourself to me."
-HJB
Make me more and more a lover of what is good, and help me coruscate with it. Yes, coruscate. I am so touchy and restless today. Feeling helpless and rash. Help me "heal for the honey" (Brooke Waggoner).
O God, O my delight. Take this offering.
6.
Thank You for what You are doing. DO IT.
Abba, flow through me. We beg for truth and light.
Help me to be as wise/shrewd as serpents and as innocent/blameless as doves. To be a fierce loveress, and a torch-bearer.
Carrying truth, exposing sin.
Thank You for my dear, godly parents. For true friends. For new beginnings (and sleep).
GLORIFY YOUR NAME IN ME.
7.
O Lord. Carry me. Thank You for this long, strange, good day.
I don't know what to do, but my eyes are on You. Let Your love flow through me.
9.
Dear Jesus,
Thank You. Complete this. Make it truly good, whole, pure. Use Your Word.
Thank You for Nicholas, whose first words to me were, "You don't have any kids yet." He offered me an earring he'd found in the grass. And later a hair tie. He called the guitar a banjo.
Bring truth and comfort to all of us tonight. Remind me that I am not the Savior - YOU ARE.
God, You do these things. Thank You. Chase us down. Don't let us get away with our sin. Take off the wrappings. Remove the infection. Wash us.
Jesus, Thank You. Hold me.
11.
O Lord Christ.
Show us the true weight of our lives. Help us tread lightly. And grow those strange lumps on our shoulders into wings.
Abba, we need You. Help us think not too lowly, and not too highly, of ourselves.
With loving precision You made all things, and all that goes awry is righted in Your hands. Now bend, and bloom, and piercingly infuse us with Your Essence, God, that we, though only lately born and soon departing, may not let one day pass without imparting goodness, truth, and beauty to Your world, ourselves, and back into Your bosom.
For there we lay our heads, entrust our hearts, and rest our earthly bodies.
15.
Today in the library I saw an album cover that caught my eye: "Strict Joy", by The Swell Season. It was gorgeous, haunting-looking, and I realized why - Mar & Glen. Sounds like things didn't work out for them, though. It rattles me. I've just been reading some of "Every Young Man's Battle", and it had some good things to say about sin, sexual sin in particular. It's not a cancer inside us to pray away and fight internally, at least not primarily. It's a series of disobedient acts. And likewise, holiness comes with choosing to heed God in hundreds of small ways, it's not a nebulous idea or a heavenly dispensation.
God, help me hate sin. MY sin.
23.
Began the day with Carl's poems. 'S came over, we planned. I made about 20 phone calls for church. One couple is divorcing. I got an intercessor's email for a family whose niece was killed by her father on his tractor today. A 3 year old.
"Fox's book of margins"... Oh Carl. How true.
God, don't let me be a might-have-been. Help me thrust all these fears and pettinesses out. Persuade my heart to trust You more.
Tolstoy was so staggering and simple. I'm afraid when I realize how little I perceive or understand, how childish my mind is still. There are many kinds of circles to travel, I know. Let me ride the one that's a screw, driving me deep into You.
26.
Help me care less about myself, but delight in You.
31.
A year ago today, Mom & I shaved our heads.
And last night Mr. B emailed me, and I can't handle how generous and considerate he's being. Multiple times today I've laughed. Or gone limp.
O God. Keep caring for us. Give us only our daily bread.
My Dearest Friend,
Thank You for life. For this particular day of it, this afternoon. Seeing J off from the train station, huddled against the cold, laughing and talking.
Where is my heart? It belongs to You. Please be its jealous keeper. Guard me and protect me. Chasten me. I desire chastity.
"Holiness takes us outside ourselves,
my heart can barely beat.
You've a lot of courage
to give Yourself to me."
-HJB
Make me more and more a lover of what is good, and help me coruscate with it. Yes, coruscate. I am so touchy and restless today. Feeling helpless and rash. Help me "heal for the honey" (Brooke Waggoner).
O God, O my delight. Take this offering.
6.
Thank You for what You are doing. DO IT.
Abba, flow through me. We beg for truth and light.
Help me to be as wise/shrewd as serpents and as innocent/blameless as doves. To be a fierce loveress, and a torch-bearer.
Carrying truth, exposing sin.
Thank You for my dear, godly parents. For true friends. For new beginnings (and sleep).
GLORIFY YOUR NAME IN ME.
7.
O Lord. Carry me. Thank You for this long, strange, good day.
I don't know what to do, but my eyes are on You. Let Your love flow through me.
9.
Dear Jesus,
Thank You. Complete this. Make it truly good, whole, pure. Use Your Word.
Thank You for Nicholas, whose first words to me were, "You don't have any kids yet." He offered me an earring he'd found in the grass. And later a hair tie. He called the guitar a banjo.
Bring truth and comfort to all of us tonight. Remind me that I am not the Savior - YOU ARE.
God, You do these things. Thank You. Chase us down. Don't let us get away with our sin. Take off the wrappings. Remove the infection. Wash us.
Jesus, Thank You. Hold me.
11.
O Lord Christ.
Show us the true weight of our lives. Help us tread lightly. And grow those strange lumps on our shoulders into wings.
Abba, we need You. Help us think not too lowly, and not too highly, of ourselves.
With loving precision You made all things, and all that goes awry is righted in Your hands. Now bend, and bloom, and piercingly infuse us with Your Essence, God, that we, though only lately born and soon departing, may not let one day pass without imparting goodness, truth, and beauty to Your world, ourselves, and back into Your bosom.
For there we lay our heads, entrust our hearts, and rest our earthly bodies.
15.
Today in the library I saw an album cover that caught my eye: "Strict Joy", by The Swell Season. It was gorgeous, haunting-looking, and I realized why - Mar & Glen. Sounds like things didn't work out for them, though. It rattles me. I've just been reading some of "Every Young Man's Battle", and it had some good things to say about sin, sexual sin in particular. It's not a cancer inside us to pray away and fight internally, at least not primarily. It's a series of disobedient acts. And likewise, holiness comes with choosing to heed God in hundreds of small ways, it's not a nebulous idea or a heavenly dispensation.
God, help me hate sin. MY sin.
23.
Began the day with Carl's poems. 'S came over, we planned. I made about 20 phone calls for church. One couple is divorcing. I got an intercessor's email for a family whose niece was killed by her father on his tractor today. A 3 year old.
"Fox's book of margins"... Oh Carl. How true.
God, don't let me be a might-have-been. Help me thrust all these fears and pettinesses out. Persuade my heart to trust You more.
Tolstoy was so staggering and simple. I'm afraid when I realize how little I perceive or understand, how childish my mind is still. There are many kinds of circles to travel, I know. Let me ride the one that's a screw, driving me deep into You.
26.
Help me care less about myself, but delight in You.
31.
A year ago today, Mom & I shaved our heads.
And last night Mr. B emailed me, and I can't handle how generous and considerate he's being. Multiple times today I've laughed. Or gone limp.
O God. Keep caring for us. Give us only our daily bread.
Friday, December 25, 2015
Lines from the Months of This Last Year: September
5.
Lord Jesus,
I don't know how to thank You for this last week. How full of goodness it's been!
Make no bones about it. Take me to You, imprison me,
for I, unless You enthrall me,
never shall be free... (Donne)
10.
Lord God.
Take me fresh, as if this was the very first time.
Thank You for the newness You've been giving me; the sick harshness of other's doubts (because I can share them) and the inner certainties that I, also, can share.
Thank You that tomorrow is TOTALLY in Your hands. And that today was, too.
I am Your little squishy hard one.
LOVE ME. HELP ME.
I am desperate for You.
And I trust You.
14.
Dear Lord Jesus,
Please help me pray again. Talk to You again. Journalling, speaking, in my mind & spirit, whatever. I just need You. And I must be closer to You. I must know You and love You first, and not be fooled by imitations.
King Jesus. You have ownership of me. Thank You for giving me rights and respect and privileges all the same. Help me to intercede. O God, help me not say no to You. No sweeping noes. Help me say yes to You, every moment, as it comes, and yes to whatever Your purposes are.
Ugh. Help us just live, not taking anything for granted. Make us generous & joyful, ready for the long hard roads, forgiving, praising You.
17.
Dear Lord,
Please keep reminding me of the Gospel.
Help me love righteousness, to be humble even in the background.
And guide me, Jesus. I realize I may not need to "figure out" these things. There may not be any "figuring out." But help me to know my own heart before You, and trust that you move the hearts of kings, and help me know what is right and wise and godly. Give me greater love, real love, for what really matters.
My Friend. My Lover. You are what I want.
23.
I trust You to give me wisdom. Help me to know You, and therefore know myself and where I'm headed. Help me to praxis. That's not a verb, but I'm making it into one.
25.
Lord, save me. I'm rotting. I'm stagnating. Make me willing and obedient. Don't cut me off. Help me wash myself. Help me learn to do good, to love justice,
and mercy.
26.
My Lover. Who am I? What am I?
What am I becoming?
What do I love?
How sluggish I am. And how slow to believe all the prophets have spoken.
Help me to lose myself. To write more, again, and work for hours on end, out of LOVE, and use my body in glorious ways.
Thank You for what You did today. And the chance this afternoon to do photoshoots with C, A, and H. But I also feel a little foolish now. What if I looked affected, or chubby, or a bit too bizarre? That can all go.
Grant my heart peace. Speak to my Your mercy. Your endless mercy. Help me walk with purpose, in grace. Make me a great lover.
P.S. Use us. Do not by any means let the devil get his way tomorrow, making our time ineffectual, tense or trite, irritable or pushy. O Jesus. Bring Your kingdom.
Help me. I love You love You love You. YOU ARE ENOUGH.
P.P.S. Make a mystic out of this cheese.
(ref. Flannery O'C.)
Lord Jesus,
I don't know how to thank You for this last week. How full of goodness it's been!
Make no bones about it. Take me to You, imprison me,
for I, unless You enthrall me,
never shall be free... (Donne)
10.
Lord God.
Take me fresh, as if this was the very first time.
Thank You for the newness You've been giving me; the sick harshness of other's doubts (because I can share them) and the inner certainties that I, also, can share.
Thank You that tomorrow is TOTALLY in Your hands. And that today was, too.
I am Your little squishy hard one.
LOVE ME. HELP ME.
I am desperate for You.
And I trust You.
14.
Dear Lord Jesus,
Please help me pray again. Talk to You again. Journalling, speaking, in my mind & spirit, whatever. I just need You. And I must be closer to You. I must know You and love You first, and not be fooled by imitations.
King Jesus. You have ownership of me. Thank You for giving me rights and respect and privileges all the same. Help me to intercede. O God, help me not say no to You. No sweeping noes. Help me say yes to You, every moment, as it comes, and yes to whatever Your purposes are.
Ugh. Help us just live, not taking anything for granted. Make us generous & joyful, ready for the long hard roads, forgiving, praising You.
17.
Dear Lord,
Please keep reminding me of the Gospel.
Help me love righteousness, to be humble even in the background.
And guide me, Jesus. I realize I may not need to "figure out" these things. There may not be any "figuring out." But help me to know my own heart before You, and trust that you move the hearts of kings, and help me know what is right and wise and godly. Give me greater love, real love, for what really matters.
My Friend. My Lover. You are what I want.
23.
I trust You to give me wisdom. Help me to know You, and therefore know myself and where I'm headed. Help me to praxis. That's not a verb, but I'm making it into one.
25.
Lord, save me. I'm rotting. I'm stagnating. Make me willing and obedient. Don't cut me off. Help me wash myself. Help me learn to do good, to love justice,
and mercy.
26.
My Lover. Who am I? What am I?
What am I becoming?
What do I love?
How sluggish I am. And how slow to believe all the prophets have spoken.
Help me to lose myself. To write more, again, and work for hours on end, out of LOVE, and use my body in glorious ways.
Thank You for what You did today. And the chance this afternoon to do photoshoots with C, A, and H. But I also feel a little foolish now. What if I looked affected, or chubby, or a bit too bizarre? That can all go.
Grant my heart peace. Speak to my Your mercy. Your endless mercy. Help me walk with purpose, in grace. Make me a great lover.
P.S. Use us. Do not by any means let the devil get his way tomorrow, making our time ineffectual, tense or trite, irritable or pushy. O Jesus. Bring Your kingdom.
Help me. I love You love You love You. YOU ARE ENOUGH.
P.P.S. Make a mystic out of this cheese.
(ref. Flannery O'C.)
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