Bright and Salty, September 21, 2018

I'm not good at knowing right and wrong, in myself. I need Your help, Your love, Your wisdom. I need to not be afraid. Maybe not watch the pole dancing, yes, but not ignore the brokenness of the world.

I care SO MUCH about what people think of me. Whether or not I'm seen as kind and intelligent and accepting and loving. Please help me be bright and salty. Don't let me water You down one ounce. Give me Yourself - neat.

Of course You will keep asking me to enter messy life - why does that surprise me? Please help me to learn to walk with You in peace and holiness. Thank You for caring so tenderly about everything You've made. Please show mercy.

Out of Place, September 10 2018

It did make my hackles rise to hear terms like "comfort zone", "box", and "personal" used to describe my art and life, but I think I was able to acknowledge and respond, and to let You remind me who I am.

This place isn't designed for artists. These values are different from mine. Help me keep working to redeem, preserve, revitalize, transform. Do that through me; I can't do it.

The Twelfth Pair of Oxen, September 10 2018

What was Elisha doing, before You called him? Before Elijah threw his cloak around him? Prepare me. I want to be ready. Plowing with the twelfth pair of oxen. Help me to be faithful in small things. 

Alexandria, September 9 2018

A GPS is a wonderful thing. And You are superior.
I'm here in Alexandria, in the office. Perhaps where I stayed all those years ago, and was troubled that C came in unannounced in the morning. It was his office, after all, and he needed things. I was horrified.

This is definitely a bachelor pad. No curtain in the bathroom. No soap at the sink. No dish drainer. And the spaghetti squash has been sitting on the counter since April. But J is a good host. He came out to meet me and parked my car for me. We made chicken and lentil pasta (edible). I made us tea and we watched "The Informant!", and I gave him a back massage. He's taking me to work with him tomorrow. He told me he is proposing to A this Thursday.
They're talking now. 

What I'm Standing On, August 31, 2018

Thanks for the times that You let my world shake and remind me what I'm standing on.

Covet Those Trees, August 29 2018

Thank You for the sweet, smokey, muggy familiarity of the yard at night.
I loved standing in the front lawn, facing the street, because the neighbors' maples felt personable and connected, and in the darkness I didn't feel exposed by the road. I do covet those trees a little.
But there they are, and I get to enjoy them. 

I Can Run and Run and Not Outrun You, August 29 2018

PAINT IS NOT THE END
PHILOSOPHERS LEAVE THEIR PENS
AND I MY BRUSHES

I am having an Artist Date Day. I thought I should write a haiku. I looked for something ordinary to inspire me, and saw the word "paint" on the blackboard.

I have been reading a lot of Guernsey today, fit to finish it. I like it, though the movie was a little more innocent, I think. Juliet was a little less Harriet Vane.
But I like Harriet Vane. And I like this book.

One thing it is bringing to mind is how different and interesting people are, and how it is possible and necessary to love them. I think I am still Pharisaical, and also afraid not to be, because I forget, Jesus, that You were not. And I want You most. Please help me. Because I know You call me to holiness and obedience, and not therapeutic deism.
Show me who You are, don't let me make You in my image. Thank You for being big enough to handle all of this, and everything, ever. I can run and run and not outrun You.