I have such a struggle, Lord. Between common sense and faith that You honor the plans of those who commit themselves to You. Between active concern, and curiosity to see, will the world actually work differently for you? As if she sees germs. Or the cosmic dance.
But there was even part of me, I discovered, that wanted to see her put in her place. Wanted confirmation that her agony was unnecessary. It would be some kind of liberation for me, permission to keep living at my "comfortable" level of "spirituality", and not feel compelled to acknowledge or operate within such an intense level of spiritual warfare.
This is a humiliating and condemning thing to admit.
I was tempted to rein in credulity. I did, I still do. We are not so in-tune with You that we can know Your purposes in all things, and call all things by their right names. So help us.
Purify my heart.
Give me love.
Help me pray.
Intercede on our behalf.
But there was even part of me, I discovered, that wanted to see her put in her place. Wanted confirmation that her agony was unnecessary. It would be some kind of liberation for me, permission to keep living at my "comfortable" level of "spirituality", and not feel compelled to acknowledge or operate within such an intense level of spiritual warfare.
This is a humiliating and condemning thing to admit.
I was tempted to rein in credulity. I did, I still do. We are not so in-tune with You that we can know Your purposes in all things, and call all things by their right names. So help us.
Purify my heart.
Give me love.
Help me pray.
Intercede on our behalf.
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