There is a part of me that cringes at being called "sweet" or "nice" or "cute." The latter two, especially, communicate an aggravating smallness, a paltry pleasant manner, that grates on me. I would rather not be cute. I would rather not be nice. Make me ugly or beautiful. But an honest ugly or a truly beautiful. Make me hard and unsociable or deeply kind. But none of this dull nice that makes neither a safe spoon nor a sharp knife.
But make me, above all, good. A good that rumbles richly in the belly, that softly springs upon the mind with time, that shows itself best, and truest. Make me a satisfying yet longing-bringing good, sweet in the way my Mother meant it when she found me helpful, a "sweet girl." Not a candy one. Sweet like ripe fruit, fresh milk, or honey on bread. Like the texture of wood under the hand. Like a genuine smile that changes nothing, but changes everything.
There is a part of me that knows I will not be this good alone. Nor will it come without pain. There is no joy apart from suffering. There is no growth without rain.
But make me, above all, good. A good that rumbles richly in the belly, that softly springs upon the mind with time, that shows itself best, and truest. Make me a satisfying yet longing-bringing good, sweet in the way my Mother meant it when she found me helpful, a "sweet girl." Not a candy one. Sweet like ripe fruit, fresh milk, or honey on bread. Like the texture of wood under the hand. Like a genuine smile that changes nothing, but changes everything.
There is a part of me that knows I will not be this good alone. Nor will it come without pain. There is no joy apart from suffering. There is no growth without rain.
I think many people don't think about the meaning of the words they say, and call people cute or nice because its a common cultural euphemism. Try not to take offense at it, and do your best to recognize it for what it is.
ReplyDeleteOf course, I don't know the situation surrounding it, so everything I just said may not apply.
Thanks. ;) I wrote this in the spring, at a point when I was feeling more strongly about it. I usually don't have a problem with these words. I even use them occasionally myself. But do you know what I mean about how insipid they can seem?
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