I Am Won, May 13

Build up my trust and security in You, so that I can be a safe place and a welcomer to others, and not ever have to rely on them (one way or another) for my worth or justification. 

I am won. 

I am Yours. 

Thank You for all this green, for food, for beauty, for babies, for books. For a future and a hope. For history, and written language, and friendship, and prayer.

Do Not Spare Me, May 10

I was thinking today how little real suffering I have know. O God, don’t let me fritter my life away. Make me strong for whatever comes. Pull me into the thick of life, of what You are doing. Do not spare me from what will bring me to You.

The Arsenal, April 28

As we drove to the Arsenal, I caught my first glimpse of prairie dogs and fairly had a conniption – I’d forgotten about them completely! They were all over the preserve. At one point on the drive I looked behind me… and saw the Rockies. 

I don’t know how to describe the sensation. 

It was like some quieter, grander version of being surprised by someone you love who you thought was 400 miles away.

Smelling Breath, April 27

I had strange dreams that involved being here and my friends and 2 men and a pet dog and an Indian man I was meeting. We went through a ritualistic series of greetings that progressed in physicality – one of which was to smell each other’s breath. His was fresh and dewy, but he was disappointed that mine was all gum. Cloaked with mint.

Airplane, April 26

I was shot with joy a few times yesterday, thinking of the travel. Flying requires surrender, utter abandon… I’m always newborn with I fly, and in wonder and awe. It helps that a dear friend will be at the end of it! Goodness.

Living Fire, April 25

Lord, please inspire and empower me and fill me with love and peace and energy. I don’t have the stores in myself today to love as I should love. I’d much rather sleep or read to scroll around online. Fill me with living fire. 

Thank You for waking me and giving me life.

Good Listeners, April 24

Talking with R the other day was so good. 

She was painting, I could just talk. I could even contradict myself in the course of an hour, and it was not a problem.